Day 11 – DARKNESS TO LIGHT

Have you ever heard someone say “If you only knew what I was thinking…”Many of us are quick to say that we don’t know what another is thinking and later or even in the same breath, we sum up a persons whole life based on one point that we engaged in with them. Most people have a dying need to be right, as right only exists in our created bubble of existence inside our minds, that we give life to as if it was a physical glass of water that when we drink it, we are refreshed and hydrated.

The same goes with all of our creations as well. Now playing across America and the world are seemingly random murders by shooting or stabbing etc., and everyone is pretending to be caring individuals based on who dies in a specific tragedy. What is amazing and fucked up simultaneously, is that people claim that they don’t understand what is going on and how people can do such evil crimes. What we see and hate so much is the reflection of ourselves and the projected anger towards these “EVIL” people because we know we never stood up to investigate the policies in our own countries that we knew were only in place to feed the wealth of the rich while taking from the masses. The USA has implemented many policies and laws that support abuse of certain people such as slavery, banking, credit, interest rates, women not allowed to vote, imminent domain, and the list goes on. We have always had complaints but because we are a “FREE” country, we accepted these policies as the norm and as long as we were comfortable and had a little money, fuck everyone else who got the shit deals of the system.  When we allow ourselves to participate in a system that does not support everyone equally, we are not understanding that what is allowed to harm one, is allowed to harm all including self. These atrocities that we are facing is the result of all of us allowing this system to exist and closing our eyes to it to not see, and turning our heads and covering our ears to not hear, and moving to the quietest places we could find to not have to engage what we know is fucked up in hope that it will disappear from our personal reality and world. Everything we have tried to avoid, ignore, sweep away, condemn, judge, and what we “FEAR” is quickly making haste to visit us! We will either all eventually enjoy a system that supports every living thing equally, or we will all eventually despise a system that we all suffer within.

12/21/2012???? What the fuck about it? Does it mark the date when humanity will wake the fuck up and stop the bullshit with how we treat each other, to creating a new world where all have the freedom to live and express life equally without “FEAR”?… Or does it mark the date when humanity has crossed the point of no return to only plunge to the utter depths of insanity, hate, fear, and abuse? We choose!

Day 10 – SPIRITUAL SMOKE

During this lifetime, how many times have we had some very difficult times, and when someone asks how we are doing, we tell them and they say… “Just trust in god, and keep the FAITH, he will make everything work out!” Then you see them a little while later in the year or whatever, and they ask if everything is working out. Then we tell them “No, it is not working out for me…”, and suddenly they have to go meet someone or they are late to a meeting or the store, or whatever. The fact is that if god had allowed us to suffer hardship for a significant amount of time, what would make god suddenly have compassion for us now? Where was god during the holocaust, or ww1, or the Tuskegee Experiment, ww2, Vietnam, 911, the tsunami in the far pacific, or Katrina, or Sandy which I experience myself, or when Trayvon Martin was killed, or Mr Ki-Suck Han when after being pushed off a subway platform, was killed by a train while people watched?

Questions arise more and more about the state of the world and this invisible deity called “GOD” (by many other names as well), but no real answers! Two- thousand years and climbing… the same shit that was going on then is going on now. The truth is that god is never around when tragedy hits! When will humanity realize the suffering in this world is completely caused by people, and can be ended by people. Is it going to take everyone on the planet to be in total misery until we wake up and realize WE are the ones responsible for the condition of the earth and stand up in our misery to change self and take responsibility. I have heard many people say including myself, that if I had the money and power, I would change the way people live for the better. Well the ones that have the money and power refuse to do shit, except continue trying to get more money and use the working class to get it.

Every week people line the seats of synagogues, mosque, churches, cathedrals, etc., and it amounts to nothing when the same things happen week after week. God has never ended murder, he has never ended starvation, rape, kidnapping, genocide, poverty, enslavement, abuse, brutality, etc. What the fuck is god’s purpose if he can’t do shit about the place he is believed to have created? If anyone believes that a god is going to save them from this world or after death, you are FUCKED! If we as humanity continue in the direction we are going, we are all FUCKED! SHEEPLE! The iGod… as real as the fruit on a Mac computer! Pray that you escape the coming tragedies that we have created… Hope for the best… Have faith in your god… And when he fails you, I expect the phone lines to be overloaded on 12/22/2012… I can’t wait…

Day 9 – REAL HUMANITARIANS

Today I met with a friend at Au Bon Pain, and after she left, I checked out the vendors at Union Square, then had a bite to eat at Whole Foods, while discussing with my fiancee,  how we are going to support ourselves coming up next month if we don’t have employment. This is a huge concern for us because we all have to be able to stabilize ourselves before we can really participate in assisting ourselves or anyone else. Tons of people are displaced now and still have no power or heat, and its a disaster by any other name. I stopped at a Radio Shack then headed for the subway to go home, and on any given day u see people sitting next to buildings, trying to stay warm and attain some change from passing people. I saw a young guy sitting down, who obviously had met with some type of scenario that he has to be on the street.

On the internet now is an NYPD officer getting praise for buying boots, and PUTTING THEM ON THE FEET OF A HOMELESS GUY WITH NOT SOCKS OR SHOES. It was cold that night and this officer did what he would have wanted for himself, in the moment without thinking about if he should do it or not. What makes this interesting is the support the officer is getting from many people for helping this homeless guy, but almost no one can tell a story of themselves actually doing something when they are able and see someone that needs attention. People say “If there were more people like this officer…”, but who is it going to be? It could be you and me and anyone who has to give. It is amazing how we always wish for shit to just happen but we will not participate ourselves. Its always up to the “OTHER GUY” to do something but we all exist here in this city, and on this planet. I have dropped dollars and even $20 bill on the homeless years ago when I had some money and work etc. I always saw homeless people as myself and I have been homeless and could be facing it again in a few weeks. There is no purpose for anyone to be out in the cold while others watch bullshit on TV in a warm house. I would be willing to trade places with homeless people so they can have at least one decent nights sleep in a warm place. I have experienced being out in the cold riding trains from uptown to downtown, falling asleep in McDonald’s… It is cold tonight, 40 degrees Fahrenheit, and windy.

This is just one reason why we have to put in place a new system so these type of atrocities will end. We take so much for granted everyday when we buy clothes to look good, and eat comfort food while having a personal relationship with our iPhone, that we use to search for a hot date and whatever our self interest can conjure up. It is very unfortunate that this city is quickly adjusting the playing field to eliminate all poor and useless people which include myself and others I know. The way things are headed right now in NYC, it will eventually be international students, asians, and wealthy white people with just enough latinos, and blacks to serve them. Many people hate the truth but have no heart to face it to make a change. Now that poverty has kissed the face of many middle class people, the security and trust that was influenced by having money is now “QUESTIONABLE”. WE ALL HAVE MADE THIS A REALITY! There is noone to blame, just taking responsibility for our individual participation in this current system that only supports capitalism at the expense of the working poor and middle class so the RICH can stay in power.  This POWER can also be used to change the current condition of this world, but this world is only a toy to the elite, who play with economies, religion, education, governments etc., causing many to suffer abuse, death, poverty, sickness, etc. It is easy to feel separated from these things when we are comfortable but we all have and continue to contribute to this current system until we take a definitive stand within ourselves to look and see how we participate in this world and how we can stop ourselves and become responsible, self-honest beings. No easy at all but there is no other option.

Day 8 – Backchat Imaginary Friend

Day 8 – Backchat Imaginary Friend

Whatever I am faced with in my world, I always have this friend who is willing to give me advice, counseling, and knows every fucking reason for whatever is happening at the moment. Most of the time I don’t even ask for any advice or suggestions but I always seem to get it anyway. This friend is not really a friend because I can’t seem to direct myself within common sense without this friend giving me scenarios and what-ifs etc., and there is this sidekick that is always hanging around this so called friend, I asked what’s the name? FEAR it said!

Now I cannot say I have a friend here, as the advice is always related to this fucking sidekick, so it seems Mr FEAR is the one that’s really calling the shots. So now we have to have a meeting and the moderators I invited are “Common Sense”, “Breath”, and the principal “What Is Best For All”. So I am in a room with my moderators and “Backchat”, who never shuts up even when told, and “Mr FEAR” who actually never says much but hangs in the background. With Common Sense, Breath, and WIBFA, I am confident I can eventually handle and direct these guys.

Backchat is always present as voices in the head, and we usually think, these voices are generated by us, but we can’t control or stop them so they are generated by something else. Investigating the source of these voices can assist us in realizing what is the nature of our mind and our participation within it as how we created ourselves as just a mind or personality.

Day 7 – HOW MANY REALITIES

Whenever we have a chance to sit and consider what is going on in our surroundings and within ourselves, if we look honestly, we will see the inconsistencies and fluctuations in our life experience. I understand things change all the time but from the perspective of my experience of myself is what I am referring to. Of all the thoughts and memories that float in our heads daily, which ones do we grab and get personal with? Am I realizing when I pick out a thought to run with it? Do I know how many times a day that I do this shit? I can be so deep into a self created fantasy or backchat that I lose myself in it before I realize I am lost in my mind. How many realities have I created in the space of time that I existed completely within the mind. To become aware of when and what we create would assist us to understand how the mind works. Once we are aware of how the mind works, we can direct ourselves within the principle of “Do unto others as you would have done to you”, which would become what is best for all.

What is amazing, is that with every plan, every plot, every war, every crusade, every pilgrimage, every retreat, we have only created dimensional shifts and have not changed this physical reality into a place where all have dignity, and live without fear. What on this planet is it going to take for humanity to look at itself and see where we are headed and take responsibility for it! If our gods and sages and gurus have not been able to stop the atrocities over eons of time, who would think they could suddenly do it now! What level of calamity and death and destruction and disease have to arrive to get the attention of those that have the power and resources to change the world. How many realities will be created in our minds before we realize the only relevant reality is being destroyed. Humankind is like a suicidal maniac wanting to prove that he can blow him/herself into many pieces.

Day 6 – Human Reactor

Today was a calm day, cool but sunny, and after reading blogs etc. My fiance and I went for a brief walk to hang out in the sun a little bit to balance being in and out. We sat at a park near City College, then slowly made our way back home. As I rested, my fiance was using the computer, when she suddenly went out into hallway for a second, then came back in yelling to me call the Fire Dept… I did so and as I am speaking to 911, my fiance heads out to stairs while I put on jeans and sandals and head out. The smoke on floors 4, 3, and 2 was so thick, visibility and oxygen was zero at one point, and I notice a blaze coming through the trash chute on 1^st fl. I was barely able to talk on phone with 911, until finally getting out the building. As we stand outside with other people and at least 3 ladder engines, they went inside to tame the blaze.

People in the bldg talk about a guy on 6^th fl who traffics drugs and suspected one of his clients put something in the trash chute. Now I am becoming quite furious and reacting with anger that I was willing to go to this person and physically make him want to quit dealing myself. I see kids that were inside and women on fire escapes with their kids, and wonder if it was done purposely or accident, but I knew it could have been a lot more serious.

Tragedy affects any and everyone at times but the question is “Who am I within the tragedy?”

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see/realize/understand that life is not guaranteed within this current system where money is the external manifestation of the internal interest of the mind.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see/realize/understand that because I am here, I am a part of all that exist, the good and bad within this accepted system of polarity that I participate in.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to judge the guy above us, when I also participate in separation from the physical as only an energetic experience called a personality, also disregarding life as I look to support only my own self interest through my survival.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that my internal instinct to survive is based in keeping consciousness as myself alive to continue to use up the physical to sustain itself infinitely.

I commit myself to understand who I am as consciousness within this system, and realize how I create the system constantly within my participation in the mind.

I commit myself to realize that good or bad people are only my perspective based on my own pre-programmed set of rules within a system of polarity that does not in fact support life as equal and one.

I commit myself to realize and understand that my instinct to survive is a desire of the mind as me to continue my existence as a personality and no actually interest in supporting life as what is best for all in the physical.

Day 4 – I Shalt Not Desire

If I can only remember that the Lord is my shepherd, and I shall not Want Desire, (I shall have no needs and be completely fulfilled.) Anyone with common sense will realize how much shit is packed into this statement. Well I crossed it out and made it a relevant statement. My desire is really not my desire but the desire of the system within and as me… of course it feels like it is me but the energetic charge comes and goes, and I am still here. I have a problem, because I don’t determine when or where this charge will show up. I could be sitting on the stoop in front of my house or walking down the street, or sitting at my desktop pc in my chair. Wherever I am I should be HERE, but thanks to my astral traveling abilities, I can travel into the past, future, or some other dimension that I myself created with my creative powers.

Unfortunately, none of this is real, only me as my physical body, so any experience of myself that is not right here physically as what I am doing, is my own mind fuck. My desire to do, be, or have, anything is produced energetically within separation, and keeps me in separation of myself, as time loops recreating the same experiences over and over again. I see desire that is not faced and no responsibility taken for self becomes an addiction.

Then as addiction grows, I am now directed completely by my own creation and subject to the flow of energy that rise and fall on its own time.

Day 3 – WHO AM I?

Tomorrow is not here yet and yesterday doesn’t exist. This moment here exist and I am here, but am I HERE? My question to myself, a simple one but a most important question, and even more important is my self honest answer to myself. What is my experience of myself right now, am I aware of what I think, feel, speak, how I react? These are questions that if I ask myself daily, I may learn who I am in this world and I will see it through my awareness of how I live and correspond to other people, things, animals, nature. The real question is who am I as “FEAR”? I exist as a liquified manifestation of “FEAR” layered with each layer being the basis of the layer above it. This is my equation of myself: if I am as all as one as equal here, then as I understand who I am, I will understand who everyone is and the reason for the conditions of the world which are all man-made, and can only be corrected by man. No god can do it, and it will not just work it’s way out. Any belief in any type of deity will guarantee that no responsibility for this earth or the inhabitants will be undertaken by man.

Day 2: Secret Agent: Golden Mask Chronicles

Am I supporting a new system that is best for all? What does my day to day life participation consist of? If I am going about my life each day doing what I do, and do not consider what effect I am having in my world of meeting people, interacting with people, and my own interaction with my physical body, as a point of support, what am I actually contributing to? Even as politicians present a colorful template of goals that if these goals were achieved would make living a bit easier for most, but it is only a presentation and not actually being done, and as I and others present ourselves to the world, how much color and bling am I presenting when I know I am not living one with it. This is what I call delusion, and it is not just fanatics who are in delusion, sometimes we allow ourselves to just ignore things that need our attention and to be corrected. Pretense, ignoring, avoiding, are all attributes that we create based on once again “Fear”. The fear of getting to know self and who self has allowed self to become and why self does not want to change. Fear of who we would be if we were to let go of ego! Fear that we can no longer blame god for our own fuckups. We are agent Smith, the rogue program that wants to expand itself to engulf everything to no end. Why am I avoiding the real issues of myself? I am allowing “Fear” to be my salvation. Where is common sense in this?

SELF – MADE BAKLAVA

Everyday someone walks by us, or is seen by us, who does something that we react to. Whether these people are drinking, or smoking weed, or stealing or driving reckless, etc. We have some sort of reaction of judgment. It is automatic because of our packaged belief system and self definitions. I wrote down a few things that I realize I judge people on and the list got longer and longer, and I realized there are many intricate details of the construct of judgment. Much of it is connected to what I see which is not what is there but the minds interpretation of it. I also realize that my own self definitions are layered and who I am in this reality, is who I have created myself to be through separation. So my take is that judgment comes from belief systems containing comparison, competition, self definition, separation, spite is somewhere in the beginning of this… I feel like a human baklava crust with all the layers of separation, when I am actually here, but my experience of myself is not Here but somewhere else. The toughest task in life is not what we build, but what we take apart… the layers of the mind!