Have you ever heard someone say “If you only knew what I was thinking…”Many of us are quick to say that we don’t know what another is thinking and later or even in the same breath, we sum up a persons whole life based on one point that we engaged in with them. Most people have a dying need to be right, as right only exists in our created bubble of existence inside our minds, that we give life to as if it was a physical glass of water that when we drink it, we are refreshed and hydrated.

The same goes with all of our creations as well. Now playing across America and the world are seemingly random murders by shooting or stabbing etc., and everyone is pretending to be caring individuals based on who dies in a specific tragedy. What is amazing and fucked up simultaneously, is that people claim that they don’t understand what is going on and how people can do such evil crimes. What we see and hate so much is the reflection of ourselves and the projected anger towards these “EVIL” people because we know we never stood up to investigate the policies in our own countries that we knew were only in place to feed the wealth of the rich while taking from the masses. The USA has implemented many policies and laws that support abuse of certain people such as slavery, banking, credit, interest rates, women not allowed to vote, imminent domain, and the list goes on. We have always had complaints but because we are a “FREE” country, we accepted these policies as the norm and as long as we were comfortable and had a little money, fuck everyone else who got the shit deals of the system.  When we allow ourselves to participate in a system that does not support everyone equally, we are not understanding that what is allowed to harm one, is allowed to harm all including self. These atrocities that we are facing is the result of all of us allowing this system to exist and closing our eyes to it to not see, and turning our heads and covering our ears to not hear, and moving to the quietest places we could find to not have to engage what we know is fucked up in hope that it will disappear from our personal reality and world. Everything we have tried to avoid, ignore, sweep away, condemn, judge, and what we “FEAR” is quickly making haste to visit us! We will either all eventually enjoy a system that supports every living thing equally, or we will all eventually despise a system that we all suffer within.

12/21/2012???? What the fuck about it? Does it mark the date when humanity will wake the fuck up and stop the bullshit with how we treat each other, to creating a new world where all have the freedom to live and express life equally without “FEAR”?… Or does it mark the date when humanity has crossed the point of no return to only plunge to the utter depths of insanity, hate, fear, and abuse? We choose!



Whenever we have a chance to sit and consider what is going on in our surroundings and within ourselves, if we look honestly, we will see the inconsistencies and fluctuations in our life experience. I understand things change all the time but from the perspective of my experience of myself is what I am referring to. Of all the thoughts and memories that float in our heads daily, which ones do we grab and get personal with? Am I realizing when I pick out a thought to run with it? Do I know how many times a day that I do this shit? I can be so deep into a self created fantasy or backchat that I lose myself in it before I realize I am lost in my mind. How many realities have I created in the space of time that I existed completely within the mind. To become aware of when and what we create would assist us to understand how the mind works. Once we are aware of how the mind works, we can direct ourselves within the principle of “Do unto others as you would have done to you”, which would become what is best for all.

What is amazing, is that with every plan, every plot, every war, every crusade, every pilgrimage, every retreat, we have only created dimensional shifts and have not changed this physical reality into a place where all have dignity, and live without fear. What on this planet is it going to take for humanity to look at itself and see where we are headed and take responsibility for it! If our gods and sages and gurus have not been able to stop the atrocities over eons of time, who would think they could suddenly do it now! What level of calamity and death and destruction and disease have to arrive to get the attention of those that have the power and resources to change the world. How many realities will be created in our minds before we realize the only relevant reality is being destroyed. Humankind is like a suicidal maniac wanting to prove that he can blow him/herself into many pieces.

Internal Hidden Machine

What makes us tick? Is it a hidden ticker that prompts us to do everything we participate in? Is there some higher power that moves us according to unknown, unseen mysterious, purpose and secret planning? This is the reality for some as they completely accept who they are and their experience as some divine lesson that must be learned through hardship and loss!

I have participated in these things and still do, but I am aware that something has to change and that who I am in this world is where I have started. There is a power in us that runs shit and only because we gave it power over us and it is at the core of every action we take this is not self directed within the principle of what is best for all of us. FEAR is the king of humanity, love is just a symptom of fear… I can feel this fear is the strangest scenarios, even ones that I never really felt fear before! I know fear is expanding inside of me slightly, but I know I have to face it when it becomes so great that I may consider hiding from it! One of my greatest experiences this far was finding a friend of mine dead hanging from her loft, after killing herself… I went and stood where she died everyday for weeks until my fear was not enough to make my heart beat out of my chest… Desteni and these tools help me face my fear and get past that experience in 2009, it was basically one year after my first written self-forgiveness entry 8/26/2008. I see that I will be getting to know mr. FEAR much more personal as I continue in my process!

Anger & Judgment

Everyday we see something in our world that either upsets us or makes us react internally. A personal example is when I see someone getting a raw deal on their job, at their school, or in society as a whole! We see how in N Korea the people are subject to extreme draconian measures, facing punishment for not showing enough emotion for the death of Kim Jong Il! To see this, lots of people become outraged and spit anger and rage towards the leadership of N Korea. When I react with the same anger, I realize I am seeing a part of myself that I have not really faced! To me it seems that anger shows self judgment and is the block for me being completely responsible for my own allowance of anger as it is the prerequisite of violence! I may in my mind wish violence upon those leaders and other leaders, governments, etc., so the violence and anger still exist within me! I know it is a tough one for me at times as I had much physical violence done to me growing up, even being a toddler, and have had my share of fights and conflicts! This is no longer acceptable for me to allow even the thoughts of violence to be justified. Breath, is a friend here…

It is important for me to work this out as it is one thing that can take me for a ride in the worst part of my mind! Anu only used what already existed and created a design from it to enslave existence so projecting anger to anyone is in total error! We have all participated in what is here and I am just trying to be responsible for my part in it and as all of humanity as one, as myself!