Day 11 – DARKNESS TO LIGHT

Have you ever heard someone say “If you only knew what I was thinking…”Many of us are quick to say that we don’t know what another is thinking and later or even in the same breath, we sum up a persons whole life based on one point that we engaged in with them. Most people have a dying need to be right, as right only exists in our created bubble of existence inside our minds, that we give life to as if it was a physical glass of water that when we drink it, we are refreshed and hydrated.

The same goes with all of our creations as well. Now playing across America and the world are seemingly random murders by shooting or stabbing etc., and everyone is pretending to be caring individuals based on who dies in a specific tragedy. What is amazing and fucked up simultaneously, is that people claim that they don’t understand what is going on and how people can do such evil crimes. What we see and hate so much is the reflection of ourselves and the projected anger towards these “EVIL” people because we know we never stood up to investigate the policies in our own countries that we knew were only in place to feed the wealth of the rich while taking from the masses. The USA has implemented many policies and laws that support abuse of certain people such as slavery, banking, credit, interest rates, women not allowed to vote, imminent domain, and the list goes on. We have always had complaints but because we are a “FREE” country, we accepted these policies as the norm and as long as we were comfortable and had a little money, fuck everyone else who got the shit deals of the system.  When we allow ourselves to participate in a system that does not support everyone equally, we are not understanding that what is allowed to harm one, is allowed to harm all including self. These atrocities that we are facing is the result of all of us allowing this system to exist and closing our eyes to it to not see, and turning our heads and covering our ears to not hear, and moving to the quietest places we could find to not have to engage what we know is fucked up in hope that it will disappear from our personal reality and world. Everything we have tried to avoid, ignore, sweep away, condemn, judge, and what we “FEAR” is quickly making haste to visit us! We will either all eventually enjoy a system that supports every living thing equally, or we will all eventually despise a system that we all suffer within.

12/21/2012???? What the fuck about it? Does it mark the date when humanity will wake the fuck up and stop the bullshit with how we treat each other, to creating a new world where all have the freedom to live and express life equally without “FEAR”?… Or does it mark the date when humanity has crossed the point of no return to only plunge to the utter depths of insanity, hate, fear, and abuse? We choose!

Day 9 – REAL HUMANITARIANS

Today I met with a friend at Au Bon Pain, and after she left, I checked out the vendors at Union Square, then had a bite to eat at Whole Foods, while discussing with my fiancee,  how we are going to support ourselves coming up next month if we don’t have employment. This is a huge concern for us because we all have to be able to stabilize ourselves before we can really participate in assisting ourselves or anyone else. Tons of people are displaced now and still have no power or heat, and its a disaster by any other name. I stopped at a Radio Shack then headed for the subway to go home, and on any given day u see people sitting next to buildings, trying to stay warm and attain some change from passing people. I saw a young guy sitting down, who obviously had met with some type of scenario that he has to be on the street.

On the internet now is an NYPD officer getting praise for buying boots, and PUTTING THEM ON THE FEET OF A HOMELESS GUY WITH NOT SOCKS OR SHOES. It was cold that night and this officer did what he would have wanted for himself, in the moment without thinking about if he should do it or not. What makes this interesting is the support the officer is getting from many people for helping this homeless guy, but almost no one can tell a story of themselves actually doing something when they are able and see someone that needs attention. People say “If there were more people like this officer…”, but who is it going to be? It could be you and me and anyone who has to give. It is amazing how we always wish for shit to just happen but we will not participate ourselves. Its always up to the “OTHER GUY” to do something but we all exist here in this city, and on this planet. I have dropped dollars and even $20 bill on the homeless years ago when I had some money and work etc. I always saw homeless people as myself and I have been homeless and could be facing it again in a few weeks. There is no purpose for anyone to be out in the cold while others watch bullshit on TV in a warm house. I would be willing to trade places with homeless people so they can have at least one decent nights sleep in a warm place. I have experienced being out in the cold riding trains from uptown to downtown, falling asleep in McDonald’s… It is cold tonight, 40 degrees Fahrenheit, and windy.

This is just one reason why we have to put in place a new system so these type of atrocities will end. We take so much for granted everyday when we buy clothes to look good, and eat comfort food while having a personal relationship with our iPhone, that we use to search for a hot date and whatever our self interest can conjure up. It is very unfortunate that this city is quickly adjusting the playing field to eliminate all poor and useless people which include myself and others I know. The way things are headed right now in NYC, it will eventually be international students, asians, and wealthy white people with just enough latinos, and blacks to serve them. Many people hate the truth but have no heart to face it to make a change. Now that poverty has kissed the face of many middle class people, the security and trust that was influenced by having money is now “QUESTIONABLE”. WE ALL HAVE MADE THIS A REALITY! There is noone to blame, just taking responsibility for our individual participation in this current system that only supports capitalism at the expense of the working poor and middle class so the RICH can stay in power.  This POWER can also be used to change the current condition of this world, but this world is only a toy to the elite, who play with economies, religion, education, governments etc., causing many to suffer abuse, death, poverty, sickness, etc. It is easy to feel separated from these things when we are comfortable but we all have and continue to contribute to this current system until we take a definitive stand within ourselves to look and see how we participate in this world and how we can stop ourselves and become responsible, self-honest beings. No easy at all but there is no other option.

Day 7 – HOW MANY REALITIES

Whenever we have a chance to sit and consider what is going on in our surroundings and within ourselves, if we look honestly, we will see the inconsistencies and fluctuations in our life experience. I understand things change all the time but from the perspective of my experience of myself is what I am referring to. Of all the thoughts and memories that float in our heads daily, which ones do we grab and get personal with? Am I realizing when I pick out a thought to run with it? Do I know how many times a day that I do this shit? I can be so deep into a self created fantasy or backchat that I lose myself in it before I realize I am lost in my mind. How many realities have I created in the space of time that I existed completely within the mind. To become aware of when and what we create would assist us to understand how the mind works. Once we are aware of how the mind works, we can direct ourselves within the principle of “Do unto others as you would have done to you”, which would become what is best for all.

What is amazing, is that with every plan, every plot, every war, every crusade, every pilgrimage, every retreat, we have only created dimensional shifts and have not changed this physical reality into a place where all have dignity, and live without fear. What on this planet is it going to take for humanity to look at itself and see where we are headed and take responsibility for it! If our gods and sages and gurus have not been able to stop the atrocities over eons of time, who would think they could suddenly do it now! What level of calamity and death and destruction and disease have to arrive to get the attention of those that have the power and resources to change the world. How many realities will be created in our minds before we realize the only relevant reality is being destroyed. Humankind is like a suicidal maniac wanting to prove that he can blow him/herself into many pieces.

Day 6 – Human Reactor

Today was a calm day, cool but sunny, and after reading blogs etc. My fiance and I went for a brief walk to hang out in the sun a little bit to balance being in and out. We sat at a park near City College, then slowly made our way back home. As I rested, my fiance was using the computer, when she suddenly went out into hallway for a second, then came back in yelling to me call the Fire Dept… I did so and as I am speaking to 911, my fiance heads out to stairs while I put on jeans and sandals and head out. The smoke on floors 4, 3, and 2 was so thick, visibility and oxygen was zero at one point, and I notice a blaze coming through the trash chute on 1st fl. I was barely able to talk on phone with 911, until finally getting out the building. As we stand outside with other people and at least 3 ladder engines, they went inside to tame the blaze.

People in the bldg talk about a guy on 6th fl who traffics drugs and suspected one of his clients put something in the trash chute. Now I am becoming quite furious and reacting with anger that I was willing to go to this person and physically make him want to quit dealing myself. I see kids that were inside and women on fire escapes with their kids, and wonder if it was done purposely or accident, but I knew it could have been a lot more serious.

Tragedy affects any and everyone at times but the question is “Who am I within the tragedy?”

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see/realize/understand that life is not guaranteed within this current system where money is the external manifestation of the internal interest of the mind.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see/realize/understand that because I am here, I am a part of all that exist, the good and bad within this accepted system of polarity that I participate in.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to judge the guy above us, when I also participate in separation from the physical as only an energetic experience called a personality, also disregarding life as I look to support only my own self interest through my survival.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that my internal instinct to survive is based in keeping consciousness as myself alive to continue to use up the physical to sustain itself infinitely.

I commit myself to understand who I am as consciousness within this system, and realize how I create the system constantly within my participation in the mind.

I commit myself to realize that good or bad people are only my perspective based on my own pre-programmed set of rules within a system of polarity that does not in fact support life as equal and one.

I commit myself to realize and understand that my instinct to survive is a desire of the mind as me to continue my existence as a personality and no actually interest in supporting life as what is best for all in the physical.

Day 4 – I Shalt Not Desire

If I can only remember that the Lord is my shepherd, and I shall not Want Desire, (I shall have no needs and be completely fulfilled.) Anyone with common sense will realize how much shit is packed into this statement. Well I crossed it out and made it a relevant statement. My desire is really not my desire but the desire of the system within and as me… of course it feels like it is me but the energetic charge comes and goes, and I am still here. I have a problem, because I don’t determine when or where this charge will show up. I could be sitting on the stoop in front of my house or walking down the street, or sitting at my desktop pc in my chair. Wherever I am I should be HERE, but thanks to my astral traveling abilities, I can travel into the past, future, or some other dimension that I myself created with my creative powers.

Unfortunately, none of this is real, only me as my physical body, so any experience of myself that is not right here physically as what I am doing, is my own mind fuck. My desire to do, be, or have, anything is produced energetically within separation, and keeps me in separation of myself, as time loops recreating the same experiences over and over again. I see desire that is not faced and no responsibility taken for self becomes an addiction.

Then as addiction grows, I am now directed completely by my own creation and subject to the flow of energy that rise and fall on its own time.

Day 3 – WHO AM I?

Tomorrow is not here yet and yesterday doesn’t exist. This moment here exist and I am here, but am I HERE? My question to myself, a simple one but a most important question, and even more important is my self honest answer to myself. What is my experience of myself right now, am I aware of what I think, feel, speak, how I react? These are questions that if I ask myself daily, I may learn who I am in this world and I will see it through my awareness of how I live and correspond to other people, things, animals, nature. The real question is who am I as “FEAR”? I exist as a liquified manifestation of “FEAR” layered with each layer being the basis of the layer above it. This is my equation of myself: if I am as all as one as equal here, then as I understand who I am, I will understand who everyone is and the reason for the conditions of the world which are all man-made, and can only be corrected by man. No god can do it, and it will not just work it’s way out. Any belief in any type of deity will guarantee that no responsibility for this earth or the inhabitants will be undertaken by man.

JUSTIFICATION = SABATOGE = FEAR – Day 1

At first when I saw the blogs on the Journey to Life being posted, I considered it is part of an assignment that I have not reached in DIP… When I learned that it was not part of an assignment, I didn’t understand exactly the context of what it is that everyone is writing about whether a daily blog or writing specific scenarios etc. The real point is, I did not participate out of fear, and made excuses within myself that I don’t have time, and there is a lot going on in my life, my back hurts, I’ll do it one day, and the list goes on! Well today through support from Maya, I begin my journey to life, in order to walk out of the suicidal fear based constructs I hold on to that is like holding TNT just waiting for it to go off in my hands. Everything decision I have made in my life have likely been fear based, and every time I did not act on what I knew was best for all in that instant, was because of my allowance of fear to be the directive point instead of me myself. I realize that regardless of what I write or say, that if I am not working toward becoming equal with my words, it has no impact and I will not change. So today I am making a statement that I will work towards bringing everything in my life to a point of equality as what I understand is best for all, and realizing that it is not just me as myself but me as all beings here.

Living in the United States, we learn how nothing is UNITED and we exist in a STATE of separation that people in other countries just shake their heads. Everything here is compromised and what I see in this country is also what I see in myself. As money determines one’s status here, I am within myself doing the same thing, “no money = insignificant” and this is one of my justifications, and feeling bad about myself and judging myself… all in all just fucking with myself to not take responsibility for me, but blame my circumstances and the cards I’m holding for my experience in life.