Have you ever heard someone say “If you only knew what I was thinking…”Many of us are quick to say that we don’t know what another is thinking and later or even in the same breath, we sum up a persons whole life based on one point that we engaged in with them. Most people have a dying need to be right, as right only exists in our created bubble of existence inside our minds, that we give life to as if it was a physical glass of water that when we drink it, we are refreshed and hydrated.

The same goes with all of our creations as well. Now playing across America and the world are seemingly random murders by shooting or stabbing etc., and everyone is pretending to be caring individuals based on who dies in a specific tragedy. What is amazing and fucked up simultaneously, is that people claim that they don’t understand what is going on and how people can do such evil crimes. What we see and hate so much is the reflection of ourselves and the projected anger towards these “EVIL” people because we know we never stood up to investigate the policies in our own countries that we knew were only in place to feed the wealth of the rich while taking from the masses. The USA has implemented many policies and laws that support abuse of certain people such as slavery, banking, credit, interest rates, women not allowed to vote, imminent domain, and the list goes on. We have always had complaints but because we are a “FREE” country, we accepted these policies as the norm and as long as we were comfortable and had a little money, fuck everyone else who got the shit deals of the system.  When we allow ourselves to participate in a system that does not support everyone equally, we are not understanding that what is allowed to harm one, is allowed to harm all including self. These atrocities that we are facing is the result of all of us allowing this system to exist and closing our eyes to it to not see, and turning our heads and covering our ears to not hear, and moving to the quietest places we could find to not have to engage what we know is fucked up in hope that it will disappear from our personal reality and world. Everything we have tried to avoid, ignore, sweep away, condemn, judge, and what we “FEAR” is quickly making haste to visit us! We will either all eventually enjoy a system that supports every living thing equally, or we will all eventually despise a system that we all suffer within.

12/21/2012???? What the fuck about it? Does it mark the date when humanity will wake the fuck up and stop the bullshit with how we treat each other, to creating a new world where all have the freedom to live and express life equally without “FEAR”?… Or does it mark the date when humanity has crossed the point of no return to only plunge to the utter depths of insanity, hate, fear, and abuse? We choose!



Today I met with a friend at Au Bon Pain, and after she left, I checked out the vendors at Union Square, then had a bite to eat at Whole Foods, while discussing with my fiancee,  how we are going to support ourselves coming up next month if we don’t have employment. This is a huge concern for us because we all have to be able to stabilize ourselves before we can really participate in assisting ourselves or anyone else. Tons of people are displaced now and still have no power or heat, and its a disaster by any other name. I stopped at a Radio Shack then headed for the subway to go home, and on any given day u see people sitting next to buildings, trying to stay warm and attain some change from passing people. I saw a young guy sitting down, who obviously had met with some type of scenario that he has to be on the street.

On the internet now is an NYPD officer getting praise for buying boots, and PUTTING THEM ON THE FEET OF A HOMELESS GUY WITH NOT SOCKS OR SHOES. It was cold that night and this officer did what he would have wanted for himself, in the moment without thinking about if he should do it or not. What makes this interesting is the support the officer is getting from many people for helping this homeless guy, but almost no one can tell a story of themselves actually doing something when they are able and see someone that needs attention. People say “If there were more people like this officer…”, but who is it going to be? It could be you and me and anyone who has to give. It is amazing how we always wish for shit to just happen but we will not participate ourselves. Its always up to the “OTHER GUY” to do something but we all exist here in this city, and on this planet. I have dropped dollars and even $20 bill on the homeless years ago when I had some money and work etc. I always saw homeless people as myself and I have been homeless and could be facing it again in a few weeks. There is no purpose for anyone to be out in the cold while others watch bullshit on TV in a warm house. I would be willing to trade places with homeless people so they can have at least one decent nights sleep in a warm place. I have experienced being out in the cold riding trains from uptown to downtown, falling asleep in McDonald’s… It is cold tonight, 40 degrees Fahrenheit, and windy.

This is just one reason why we have to put in place a new system so these type of atrocities will end. We take so much for granted everyday when we buy clothes to look good, and eat comfort food while having a personal relationship with our iPhone, that we use to search for a hot date and whatever our self interest can conjure up. It is very unfortunate that this city is quickly adjusting the playing field to eliminate all poor and useless people which include myself and others I know. The way things are headed right now in NYC, it will eventually be international students, asians, and wealthy white people with just enough latinos, and blacks to serve them. Many people hate the truth but have no heart to face it to make a change. Now that poverty has kissed the face of many middle class people, the security and trust that was influenced by having money is now “QUESTIONABLE”. WE ALL HAVE MADE THIS A REALITY! There is noone to blame, just taking responsibility for our individual participation in this current system that only supports capitalism at the expense of the working poor and middle class so the RICH can stay in power.  This POWER can also be used to change the current condition of this world, but this world is only a toy to the elite, who play with economies, religion, education, governments etc., causing many to suffer abuse, death, poverty, sickness, etc. It is easy to feel separated from these things when we are comfortable but we all have and continue to contribute to this current system until we take a definitive stand within ourselves to look and see how we participate in this world and how we can stop ourselves and become responsible, self-honest beings. No easy at all but there is no other option.


Whenever we have a chance to sit and consider what is going on in our surroundings and within ourselves, if we look honestly, we will see the inconsistencies and fluctuations in our life experience. I understand things change all the time but from the perspective of my experience of myself is what I am referring to. Of all the thoughts and memories that float in our heads daily, which ones do we grab and get personal with? Am I realizing when I pick out a thought to run with it? Do I know how many times a day that I do this shit? I can be so deep into a self created fantasy or backchat that I lose myself in it before I realize I am lost in my mind. How many realities have I created in the space of time that I existed completely within the mind. To become aware of when and what we create would assist us to understand how the mind works. Once we are aware of how the mind works, we can direct ourselves within the principle of “Do unto others as you would have done to you”, which would become what is best for all.

What is amazing, is that with every plan, every plot, every war, every crusade, every pilgrimage, every retreat, we have only created dimensional shifts and have not changed this physical reality into a place where all have dignity, and live without fear. What on this planet is it going to take for humanity to look at itself and see where we are headed and take responsibility for it! If our gods and sages and gurus have not been able to stop the atrocities over eons of time, who would think they could suddenly do it now! What level of calamity and death and destruction and disease have to arrive to get the attention of those that have the power and resources to change the world. How many realities will be created in our minds before we realize the only relevant reality is being destroyed. Humankind is like a suicidal maniac wanting to prove that he can blow him/herself into many pieces.

Day 6 – Human Reactor

Today was a calm day, cool but sunny, and after reading blogs etc. My fiance and I went for a brief walk to hang out in the sun a little bit to balance being in and out. We sat at a park near City College, then slowly made our way back home. As I rested, my fiance was using the computer, when she suddenly went out into hallway for a second, then came back in yelling to me call the Fire Dept… I did so and as I am speaking to 911, my fiance heads out to stairs while I put on jeans and sandals and head out. The smoke on floors 4, 3, and 2 was so thick, visibility and oxygen was zero at one point, and I notice a blaze coming through the trash chute on 1st fl. I was barely able to talk on phone with 911, until finally getting out the building. As we stand outside with other people and at least 3 ladder engines, they went inside to tame the blaze.

People in the bldg talk about a guy on 6th fl who traffics drugs and suspected one of his clients put something in the trash chute. Now I am becoming quite furious and reacting with anger that I was willing to go to this person and physically make him want to quit dealing myself. I see kids that were inside and women on fire escapes with their kids, and wonder if it was done purposely or accident, but I knew it could have been a lot more serious.

Tragedy affects any and everyone at times but the question is “Who am I within the tragedy?”

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see/realize/understand that life is not guaranteed within this current system where money is the external manifestation of the internal interest of the mind.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see/realize/understand that because I am here, I am a part of all that exist, the good and bad within this accepted system of polarity that I participate in.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to judge the guy above us, when I also participate in separation from the physical as only an energetic experience called a personality, also disregarding life as I look to support only my own self interest through my survival.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that my internal instinct to survive is based in keeping consciousness as myself alive to continue to use up the physical to sustain itself infinitely.

I commit myself to understand who I am as consciousness within this system, and realize how I create the system constantly within my participation in the mind.

I commit myself to realize that good or bad people are only my perspective based on my own pre-programmed set of rules within a system of polarity that does not in fact support life as equal and one.

I commit myself to realize and understand that my instinct to survive is a desire of the mind as me to continue my existence as a personality and no actually interest in supporting life as what is best for all in the physical.


Who wants to live in a nice house, on a nice block, in a nice part of town, with nice people, with a nice car, and nice stores in the neighborhood? What kind of neighbors do we want? Who are the nice people, and where do they live? When we say that’s a nice house, what do we mean? When we say nice people, who are we referring to? When we say a nice neighborhood, who lives there?

Most bad neighborhoods have blacks and latinos, and some poor whites right? Most bad people are the ones who occupy prisons and local jails right? Most bad parts of towns have liquor stores, chinese take out, korean hair shops, laundromats, etc. right? When we look for new homes, who are we looking for to be our neighbors? It is common that “BAD”… equals “MONEYLESS”… and “NICE”… equals “MONEY”…

These are our definitions, all brought about based on who has money and who doesn’t. We do not choose whether we are born into money or not, but we choose to ignore what we have created in the name of money! Now that we have gotten acquainted with the “BAD” people, and we have the image of those people playing in our heads right now… Lets meet the “EVIL” ones! It is I who sit in front of this computer screen, it is you who clicked on the link to read this, it is us who can take a shower when we feel dirty, it is all who have the luxuries of flushing toilets and running water. It is ME as the manifested system I participate in and enjoy these things that most of the world have not! I am evil by participation in the system that does not support all as one as equal as life, and what is best for all. Every day I am realizing how evil I really am, and the ones who have what I have and more. I do not have money, but I have these luxuries, and yes they are luxuries if most don’t have them… So one thing left to do, and that is take responsibility for my evil participation and help to bring about a new system that will support all life equally and to created a world that is best for all! What is best for all is best for me!

No judgment, shame, regret, etc. should stop us from making this a reality, and it is within myself that I stop my internal participation in the system and when I am able to stand and direct myself as the principle of what is best for all, to do so as I support others to do the same, until it is done and no evil exist in any way, but only good as lived practically by every human here!


I have done wrong, and god is going to punish me… This often is the underlying fear of the morality game. Societies teach this to kids to instill fear and cause the kids to always have a conflict because the resonant desires, will not coincide with what is “morally right”… I grew up with the same teachings, though I do remember thinking as a young kid, “what if god doesn’t exist and all this shit I am being told is not real!” Somehow years later I jumped into religion head first, and was convinced that god had to be real. Looking at morals, I see that what is said to be right or wrong is based on rules someone created that was based in their self interest! They say it is wrong to have sex before marriage, but many people of the cloth have sex slaves and never get married. They say that if you are poor, you should be content and thank god for what you “DO” have, like health (my back hurts everyday), strength (get tired easily trying to make ends meet), life (what kind of life is this when all of my effort goes into having shelter and food)… They say give to god that there may be meat in the church (we don’t eat at church, but in our own house), and what does god need with money if he created everything money can buy? There is a problem with “MORALITY”, it serves only one side of humanity… The Elite! The elite have no morals but they make sure we do so we don’t question when shit doesn’t look right. Nothing changes because of morality because immorality always exist also. So MORALITY = POLARITY!

Someone said “give your life to god”… as soon as I get one I will consider it! Someone also said “pray every morning that god protects you”… they forgot that prayer doesn’t work everywhere, like Haiti, Africa, Middle-East, China, and a few other places! Someone also said a friend who just died… “is now in heaven with god”… At least on earth they didn’t have to see god and could walk around wherever they like… now that they are with the TOP BANANA, they have to be on their knees forever giving praise in front of a living mercury lamp that you can’t even look at directly???? Sounds like earth is a better place to be to sort out this shit we have created! Morality should be put in an oven and then turn on self clean!

I have learned a lot about this reality through Desteni and much about myself… now I am learning about the structure of the mind and how it works… I will try to enjoy this ride! Away with Moralitay!