Whenever we have a chance to sit and consider what is going on in our surroundings and within ourselves, if we look honestly, we will see the inconsistencies and fluctuations in our life experience. I understand things change all the time but from the perspective of my experience of myself is what I am referring to. Of all the thoughts and memories that float in our heads daily, which ones do we grab and get personal with? Am I realizing when I pick out a thought to run with it? Do I know how many times a day that I do this shit? I can be so deep into a self created fantasy or backchat that I lose myself in it before I realize I am lost in my mind. How many realities have I created in the space of time that I existed completely within the mind. To become aware of when and what we create would assist us to understand how the mind works. Once we are aware of how the mind works, we can direct ourselves within the principle of “Do unto others as you would have done to you”, which would become what is best for all.

What is amazing, is that with every plan, every plot, every war, every crusade, every pilgrimage, every retreat, we have only created dimensional shifts and have not changed this physical reality into a place where all have dignity, and live without fear. What on this planet is it going to take for humanity to look at itself and see where we are headed and take responsibility for it! If our gods and sages and gurus have not been able to stop the atrocities over eons of time, who would think they could suddenly do it now! What level of calamity and death and destruction and disease have to arrive to get the attention of those that have the power and resources to change the world. How many realities will be created in our minds before we realize the only relevant reality is being destroyed. Humankind is like a suicidal maniac wanting to prove that he can blow him/herself into many pieces.


Day 6 – Human Reactor

Today was a calm day, cool but sunny, and after reading blogs etc. My fiance and I went for a brief walk to hang out in the sun a little bit to balance being in and out. We sat at a park near City College, then slowly made our way back home. As I rested, my fiance was using the computer, when she suddenly went out into hallway for a second, then came back in yelling to me call the Fire Dept… I did so and as I am speaking to 911, my fiance heads out to stairs while I put on jeans and sandals and head out. The smoke on floors 4, 3, and 2 was so thick, visibility and oxygen was zero at one point, and I notice a blaze coming through the trash chute on 1st fl. I was barely able to talk on phone with 911, until finally getting out the building. As we stand outside with other people and at least 3 ladder engines, they went inside to tame the blaze.

People in the bldg talk about a guy on 6th fl who traffics drugs and suspected one of his clients put something in the trash chute. Now I am becoming quite furious and reacting with anger that I was willing to go to this person and physically make him want to quit dealing myself. I see kids that were inside and women on fire escapes with their kids, and wonder if it was done purposely or accident, but I knew it could have been a lot more serious.

Tragedy affects any and everyone at times but the question is “Who am I within the tragedy?”

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see/realize/understand that life is not guaranteed within this current system where money is the external manifestation of the internal interest of the mind.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see/realize/understand that because I am here, I am a part of all that exist, the good and bad within this accepted system of polarity that I participate in.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to judge the guy above us, when I also participate in separation from the physical as only an energetic experience called a personality, also disregarding life as I look to support only my own self interest through my survival.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that my internal instinct to survive is based in keeping consciousness as myself alive to continue to use up the physical to sustain itself infinitely.

I commit myself to understand who I am as consciousness within this system, and realize how I create the system constantly within my participation in the mind.

I commit myself to realize that good or bad people are only my perspective based on my own pre-programmed set of rules within a system of polarity that does not in fact support life as equal and one.

I commit myself to realize and understand that my instinct to survive is a desire of the mind as me to continue my existence as a personality and no actually interest in supporting life as what is best for all in the physical.

Day 5 – My Physical Body

After relocating back to New York, we experienced challenges with our living arrangements, friends, and life in general. One week and a storm arrives, and the result is extensive damage, and loss for many here and in the tri-state area. We did not experience any outages or flooding, only high winds. As for myself, I now face a minor surgical procedure to be able to function to a level to support myself together with my fiance (an RN), as we look for work and get settled in our own place. The city is in a state of emergency and is going to take a while to resolve the issues of displacement, health, and the new comers to poverty. I am not sure what my physical body is telling me but it seems to have to do with self support. Many years I have over worked my physical body with stressful jobs, including military, and driving across the U.S., and I would say that this stress have only contributed to a part of my physical condition, but I am sure that my participation within and as the MIND is the major cause. I ask myself “Who am I within all that is happening?” I have had some fear about living arrangements but I never stopped searching and physically working at getting settled. I realize that most of what we experience as humans is created based on how we live and treat each other. This storm is not evil, but it shows man how man have designed society based on self interest and money distribution, which promotes poverty and abuse.


I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to exist within a self-created bubble of thoughts, fears, emotions, feelings, that only contribute to sustaining the mind as personalities which does not support the physical as life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to through my existence within this self-created bubble, to believe that my experience as thoughts, fear, emotions, feelings, are real and need my participation.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my participation withing the mind, as thoughts, fears, memories, emotions, feelings, do not support me within and as the physical to live here practically in ways that support what is best for all one and equal.


I commit myself to work at living here within an as my physical body as within the purpose of finding ways to support myself to live as what is best for all as me.

I commit myself to stop my participation within and as thoughts, fears, emotions, feelings, memories, through focusing on myself as the physical breath as I go about my day.

I commit myself to become aware of my body and mind, so I will understand when I am in the mind creating personalities and dimensions, and be able to stop myself and bring myself back to the realization of self withing the physical.

Day 4 – I Shalt Not Desire

If I can only remember that the Lord is my shepherd, and I shall not Want Desire, (I shall have no needs and be completely fulfilled.) Anyone with common sense will realize how much shit is packed into this statement. Well I crossed it out and made it a relevant statement. My desire is really not my desire but the desire of the system within and as me… of course it feels like it is me but the energetic charge comes and goes, and I am still here. I have a problem, because I don’t determine when or where this charge will show up. I could be sitting on the stoop in front of my house or walking down the street, or sitting at my desktop pc in my chair. Wherever I am I should be HERE, but thanks to my astral traveling abilities, I can travel into the past, future, or some other dimension that I myself created with my creative powers.

Unfortunately, none of this is real, only me as my physical body, so any experience of myself that is not right here physically as what I am doing, is my own mind fuck. My desire to do, be, or have, anything is produced energetically within separation, and keeps me in separation of myself, as time loops recreating the same experiences over and over again. I see desire that is not faced and no responsibility taken for self becomes an addiction.

Then as addiction grows, I am now directed completely by my own creation and subject to the flow of energy that rise and fall on its own time.

Day 3 – WHO AM I?

Tomorrow is not here yet and yesterday doesn’t exist. This moment here exist and I am here, but am I HERE? My question to myself, a simple one but a most important question, and even more important is my self honest answer to myself. What is my experience of myself right now, am I aware of what I think, feel, speak, how I react? These are questions that if I ask myself daily, I may learn who I am in this world and I will see it through my awareness of how I live and correspond to other people, things, animals, nature. The real question is who am I as “FEAR”? I exist as a liquified manifestation of “FEAR” layered with each layer being the basis of the layer above it. This is my equation of myself: if I am as all as one as equal here, then as I understand who I am, I will understand who everyone is and the reason for the conditions of the world which are all man-made, and can only be corrected by man. No god can do it, and it will not just work it’s way out. Any belief in any type of deity will guarantee that no responsibility for this earth or the inhabitants will be undertaken by man.

Day 2: Secret Agent: Golden Mask Chronicles

Am I supporting a new system that is best for all? What does my day to day life participation consist of? If I am going about my life each day doing what I do, and do not consider what effect I am having in my world of meeting people, interacting with people, and my own interaction with my physical body, as a point of support, what am I actually contributing to? Even as politicians present a colorful template of goals that if these goals were achieved would make living a bit easier for most, but it is only a presentation and not actually being done, and as I and others present ourselves to the world, how much color and bling am I presenting when I know I am not living one with it. This is what I call delusion, and it is not just fanatics who are in delusion, sometimes we allow ourselves to just ignore things that need our attention and to be corrected. Pretense, ignoring, avoiding, are all attributes that we create based on once again “Fear”. The fear of getting to know self and who self has allowed self to become and why self does not want to change. Fear of who we would be if we were to let go of ego! Fear that we can no longer blame god for our own fuckups. We are agent Smith, the rogue program that wants to expand itself to engulf everything to no end. Why am I avoiding the real issues of myself? I am allowing “Fear” to be my salvation. Where is common sense in this?


At first when I saw the blogs on the Journey to Life being posted, I considered it is part of an assignment that I have not reached in DIP… When I learned that it was not part of an assignment, I didn’t understand exactly the context of what it is that everyone is writing about whether a daily blog or writing specific scenarios etc. The real point is, I did not participate out of fear, and made excuses within myself that I don’t have time, and there is a lot going on in my life, my back hurts, I’ll do it one day, and the list goes on! Well today through support from Maya, I begin my journey to life, in order to walk out of the suicidal fear based constructs I hold on to that is like holding TNT just waiting for it to go off in my hands. Everything decision I have made in my life have likely been fear based, and every time I did not act on what I knew was best for all in that instant, was because of my allowance of fear to be the directive point instead of me myself. I realize that regardless of what I write or say, that if I am not working toward becoming equal with my words, it has no impact and I will not change. So today I am making a statement that I will work towards bringing everything in my life to a point of equality as what I understand is best for all, and realizing that it is not just me as myself but me as all beings here.

Living in the United States, we learn how nothing is UNITED and we exist in a STATE of separation that people in other countries just shake their heads. Everything here is compromised and what I see in this country is also what I see in myself. As money determines one’s status here, I am within myself doing the same thing, “no money = insignificant” and this is one of my justifications, and feeling bad about myself and judging myself… all in all just fucking with myself to not take responsibility for me, but blame my circumstances and the cards I’m holding for my experience in life.