JUSTIFICATION = SABATOGE = FEAR – Day 1

At first when I saw the blogs on the Journey to Life being posted, I considered it is part of an assignment that I have not reached in DIP… When I learned that it was not part of an assignment, I didn’t understand exactly the context of what it is that everyone is writing about whether a daily blog or writing specific scenarios etc. The real point is, I did not participate out of fear, and made excuses within myself that I don’t have time, and there is a lot going on in my life, my back hurts, I’ll do it one day, and the list goes on! Well today through support from Maya, I begin my journey to life, in order to walk out of the suicidal fear based constructs I hold on to that is like holding TNT just waiting for it to go off in my hands. Everything decision I have made in my life have likely been fear based, and every time I did not act on what I knew was best for all in that instant, was because of my allowance of fear to be the directive point instead of me myself. I realize that regardless of what I write or say, that if I am not working toward becoming equal with my words, it has no impact and I will not change. So today I am making a statement that I will work towards bringing everything in my life to a point of equality as what I understand is best for all, and realizing that it is not just me as myself but me as all beings here.

Living in the United States, we learn how nothing is UNITED and we exist in a STATE of separation that people in other countries just shake their heads. Everything here is compromised and what I see in this country is also what I see in myself. As money determines one’s status here, I am within myself doing the same thing, “no money = insignificant” and this is one of my justifications, and feeling bad about myself and judging myself… all in all just fucking with myself to not take responsibility for me, but blame my circumstances and the cards I’m holding for my experience in life.