Tomorrow is not here yet and yesterday doesn’t exist. This moment here exist and I am here, but am I HERE? My question to myself, a simple one but a most important question, and even more important is my self honest answer to myself. What is my experience of myself right now, am I aware of what I think, feel, speak, how I react? These are questions that if I ask myself daily, I may learn who I am in this world and I will see it through my awareness of how I live and correspond to other people, things, animals, nature. The real question is who am I as “FEAR”? I exist as a liquified manifestation of “FEAR” layered with each layer being the basis of the layer above it. This is my equation of myself: if I am as all as one as equal here, then as I understand who I am, I will understand who everyone is and the reason for the conditions of the world which are all man-made, and can only be corrected by man. No god can do it, and it will not just work it’s way out. Any belief in any type of deity will guarantee that no responsibility for this earth or the inhabitants will be undertaken by man.
Am I supporting a new system that is best for all? What does my day to day life participation consist of? If I am going about my life each day doing what I do, and do not consider what effect I am having in my world of meeting people, interacting with people, and my own interaction with my physical body, as a point of support, what am I actually contributing to? Even as politicians present a colorful template of goals that if these goals were achieved would make living a bit easier for most, but it is only a presentation and not actually being done, and as I and others present ourselves to the world, how much color and bling am I presenting when I know I am not living one with it. This is what I call delusion, and it is not just fanatics who are in delusion, sometimes we allow ourselves to just ignore things that need our attention and to be corrected. Pretense, ignoring, avoiding, are all attributes that we create based on once again “Fear”. The fear of getting to know self and who self has allowed self to become and why self does not want to change. Fear of who we would be if we were to let go of ego! Fear that we can no longer blame god for our own fuckups. We are agent Smith, the rogue program that wants to expand itself to engulf everything to no end. Why am I avoiding the real issues of myself? I am allowing “Fear” to be my salvation. Where is common sense in this?
At first when I saw the blogs on the Journey to Life being posted, I considered it is part of an assignment that I have not reached in DIP… When I learned that it was not part of an assignment, I didn’t understand exactly the context of what it is that everyone is writing about whether a daily blog or writing specific scenarios etc. The real point is, I did not participate out of fear, and made excuses within myself that I don’t have time, and there is a lot going on in my life, my back hurts, I’ll do it one day, and the list goes on! Well today through support from Maya, I begin my journey to life, in order to walk out of the suicidal fear based constructs I hold on to that is like holding TNT just waiting for it to go off in my hands. Everything decision I have made in my life have likely been fear based, and every time I did not act on what I knew was best for all in that instant, was because of my allowance of fear to be the directive point instead of me myself. I realize that regardless of what I write or say, that if I am not working toward becoming equal with my words, it has no impact and I will not change. So today I am making a statement that I will work towards bringing everything in my life to a point of equality as what I understand is best for all, and realizing that it is not just me as myself but me as all beings here.
Living in the United States, we learn how nothing is UNITED and we exist in a STATE of separation that people in other countries just shake their heads. Everything here is compromised and what I see in this country is also what I see in myself. As money determines one’s status here, I am within myself doing the same thing, “no money = insignificant” and this is one of my justifications, and feeling bad about myself and judging myself… all in all just fucking with myself to not take responsibility for me, but blame my circumstances and the cards I’m holding for my experience in life.
How much money is required to maintain a life that you can have dignity and the means to enjoy some of the luxuries of life? How much money is necessary to satisfy mans greatest desires and needs? Some of us are actually able to count money, whether it is $20 or $20,000… But what if we had multiple millions stacked to the ceiling of our house, would it be enough? When we have bought all we can to satisfy our desire for things, what is left? We now have a dellima because we still have desires and noway to satisfy them because the elation of buying whatever we want have dissipated. Now more extreme measures are needed to feed the energies of desires and wants… having “A Good Time” becomes a task because it has to be created as all the energy of getting new money has dried up! You would think that when someone has earned, stolen, or finagled their clients out of millions of dollars, that they would stop and say “Now I have all I need, I can stop now”, but it only accelerates to getting even more millions.
How much money is enough? When some people scape the ground for food, and work long hours just to put gas, in the car enough to go back to work another week just to buy enough food for the energy to drive back and forth to the job just so they can have a roof over their heads, and all the while being “Just Over Broke”… It is clear to me why money is the initial key to changing this current system, because it is in the amount, and possession of money that determines a persons well being on this earth.