On 2/28/2012 around 11pm (2300 hrs), I was lying down just me and my girlfriend relaxing before going to sleep when I heard (and felt) two loud thumps that shook the building. We both got up assuming my neighbors ex girlfriend was back to do more damage but then realized it was coming from downstairs! I am the building manager so I went downstairs around the back, opened the door and knocked on the the first door to ask the girl what the noise was. She said she didn’t know but heard and felt it as I did! Then a girl came out of another room crying saying her boyfriend just choked her and slammed her head into the door… then the guy who is a tenant came out saying ” ahh don’t listen to her… blah blah blah…” I began to question the girl if this really happened or is she just angry and want to make an accusation. The guy went back to his room and I went outside with his girlfriend attempting to get a clear understanding of what is going on… as I stand on the steps talking to her, the guy comes out and says to me “Get the fuck outta here… go somewhere…”
Now here is the point where I began to react…
I respond saying, “Who the fuck are you talking to, I’m the manager here!”… He was walking towards his car, then turned towards me and started coming at me yelling “I’m talking to you mother f____, I’m talking to you bitch…”, He is now in my face spitting alcohol breath and talking much shit! I am not angry, but aware of what is going on, so I pushed him away from me, and he came back at me!
Now I realized it is beyond reasoning (he is high on coke, but I didn’t know at the time)…
As he came back towards me, I crashed into his face with a fist and he went down… as he stumble to get up, I pushed him over telling him to stop, and he doesn’t need to get up because I didn’t want to injure him! He got up and still came at me again, and this time I put force in the punch and he went down again, now with huge amounts of blood gushing from his nostrils! I couldn’t believed that I, am in this shit when I am trying to be responsible for my own shit that exist within me but if its in my experience then it is existent within me!
Now he is sitting dazed on the ground and not hearing me tell him I don’t want to hurt him anymore, my girlfriend came around the back like WTF is going on here and the guy finally is able to get up and went inside slamming the door! I tell his girl that she has to make a police report for the assault on her… she cannot find her phone in her bag… I asked where is it… she said it was in the room so we go in to get it. I knock on the door and the guy yells out “fuck you” then suddenly opens the door and tries to attack me again… I grab his wrists as to avoid hitting him again but he is full of adrenaline and still trying to fight so I threw him to the floor and ground pounded him in the face while telling him “I don’t want to hurt you! Why wont you stop! Don’t you get it!”… My girlfriend was yelling call the cops, as this fiasco was going on and they happen to be right across the street dealing with another incident, and when the cop came in, I knew her because she came the week before for another incident at my bldg! They picked him up off the floor and took him outside, which they found cocaine on him and his was drinking… the room door was broken and had to be replaced! There is about a pint of blood on the floor which took 30 minutes for me and my girlfriend to clean up.
Now at first I was reluctant to put this in my blog but it is very relevant in my process! Ok this is my experience and I what I realized in myself that caused this conflict! I grew up in a violent home, was bullied as a child, feared people wanting to always hurt me, wanted to get back at people who fucked with me, started working out in 9th grade, was always angry because I didn’t like the cards that GOD dealt to me, being poor and beaten by my father, schoolmates, teachers, wanna be gangsta kids in the neighborhood, etc., so violence has been resonantly a part of my life since childhood! I take responsibility usually when I have a though of violence towards someone which doesn’t come with anger for the most part but just the acts that come up like a flood. I know its subconscious shit because I could be doing something enjoyable and suddenly these thoughts come up of violent acts etc. but no emotion attached to it! There is emotion sometimes but usually its thoughts!
Furthermore, the fact that I was harming the physical body is what bothered me the most because its not the physical but the demonic human that occupies the body that is the problem! The female cop who I knew came in plain clothes to my house the next day and said “You did a good job!… You broke his nose and his eye socket!…”, I said, “How is that a good job when someone gets hurt?… I didn’t enjoy doing it, but it was inevitable after a certain point!” She was a female officer and probably had reactions to a guy that is 6.2, 200lbs beating up on a woman at about 110 lbs. I am 6.2, 190lbs myself. When I talked to the guy a couple days later after he got out of jail, he said he didn’t remember any of it, and said well you broke my nose… he also said he would never do coke again because he now has two felony charges in one night which totally screwed up his life! I told him I didn’t like doing that to him but he wouldn’t quit, and he just said you did what you had to do!
This was a small manifestation of what actually happens at a huge level in this world… WAR! I decided to share this because it happened physically! I would do differently if I had to face that again. I would only subdue if needed but no fighting words, and no movement based on fear or emotion! Just what would be necessary to stop the violence as self directed, but not to fuel it!