Clash Of The Demons

On 2/28/2012 around 11pm (2300 hrs), I was lying down just me and my girlfriend relaxing before going to sleep when I heard (and felt) two loud thumps that shook the building. We both got up assuming my neighbors ex girlfriend was back to do more damage but then realized it was coming from downstairs! I am the building manager so I went downstairs around the back, opened the door and knocked on the the first door to ask the girl what the noise was. She said she didn’t know but heard and felt it as I did! Then a girl came out of another room crying saying her boyfriend just choked her and slammed her head into the door… then the guy who is a tenant came out saying ” ahh don’t listen to her… blah blah blah…” I began to question the girl if this really happened or is she just angry and want to make an accusation. The guy went back to his room and I went outside with his girlfriend attempting to get a clear understanding of what is going on… as I stand on the steps talking to her, the guy comes out and says to me “Get the fuck outta here… go somewhere…”

Now here is the point where I began to react…

I respond saying, “Who the fuck are you talking to, I’m the manager here!”… He was walking towards his car, then turned towards me and started coming at me yelling “I’m talking to you mother f____, I’m talking to you bitch…”, He is now in my face spitting alcohol breath and talking much shit! I am not angry, but aware of what is going on, so I pushed him away from me, and he came back at me!

Now I realized it is beyond reasoning (he is high on coke, but I didn’t know at the time)…

As he came back towards me, I crashed into his face with a fist and he went down… as he stumble to get up, I pushed him over telling him to stop, and he doesn’t need to get up because I didn’t want to injure him! He got up and still came at me again, and this time I put force in the punch and he went down again, now with huge amounts of blood gushing from his nostrils! I couldn’t believed that I, am in this shit when I am trying to be responsible for my own shit that exist within me but if its in my experience then it is existent within me!

Now he is sitting dazed on the ground and not hearing me tell him I don’t want to hurt him anymore, my girlfriend came around the back like WTF is going on here and the guy finally is able to get up and went inside slamming the door! I tell his girl that she has to make a police report for the assault on her… she cannot find her phone in her bag… I asked where is it… she said it was in the room so we go in to get it. I knock on the door and the guy yells out “fuck you” then suddenly opens the door and tries to attack me again… I grab his wrists as to avoid hitting him again but he is full of adrenaline and still trying to fight so I threw him to the floor and ground pounded him in the face while telling him “I don’t want to hurt you! Why wont you stop! Don’t you get it!”… My girlfriend was yelling call the cops, as this fiasco was going on and they happen to be right across the street dealing with another incident, and when the cop came in, I knew her because she came the week before for another incident at my bldg! They picked him up off the floor and took him outside, which they found cocaine on him and his was drinking… the room door was broken and had to be replaced! There is about a pint of blood on the floor which took 30 minutes for me and my girlfriend to clean up.

Now at first I was reluctant to put this in my blog but it is very relevant in my process! Ok this is my experience and I what I realized in myself that caused this conflict! I grew up in a violent home, was bullied as a child, feared people wanting to always hurt me, wanted to get back at people who fucked with me, started working out in 9th grade, was always angry because I didn’t like the cards that GOD dealt to me, being poor and beaten by my father, schoolmates, teachers, wanna be gangsta kids in the neighborhood, etc., so violence has been resonantly a part of my life since childhood! I take responsibility usually when I have a though of violence towards someone which doesn’t come with anger for the most part but just the acts that come up like a flood. I know its subconscious shit because I could be doing something enjoyable and suddenly these thoughts come up of violent acts etc. but no emotion attached to it! There is emotion sometimes but usually its thoughts!

Furthermore, the fact that I was harming the physical body is what bothered me the most because its not the physical but the demonic human that occupies the body that is the problem! The female cop who I knew came in plain clothes to my house the next day and said “You did a good job!… You broke his nose and his eye socket!…”, I said, “How is that a good job when someone gets hurt?… I didn’t enjoy doing it, but it was inevitable after a certain point!” She was a female officer and probably had reactions to a guy that is 6.2, 200lbs beating up on a woman at about 110 lbs. I am 6.2, 190lbs myself. When I talked to the guy a couple days later after he got out of jail, he said he didn’t remember any of it, and said well you broke my nose… he also said he would never do coke again because he now has two felony charges in one night which totally screwed up his life! I told him I didn’t like doing that to him but he wouldn’t quit, and he just said you did what you had to do!

This was a small manifestation of what actually happens at a huge level in this world… WAR! I decided to share this because it happened physically! I would do differently if I had to face that again. I would only subdue if needed but no fighting words, and no movement based on fear or emotion! Just what would be necessary to stop the violence as self directed, but not to fuel it!


Understanding Knowledge and Practical Living

I knew that I knew what I knew because I know what I know, and I know that I knew what I know now! What a mindfuck, as this was me about 6 years ago when I got the Secret in my hands. Even now I catch myself relying on knowledge that I have not applied! It is the ingredient in belief systems and  fears and the whole human experience! Knowledge is mind based until the knowledge is applied and on the principle of what is best for all! How do we know what is best for all?… We actually don’t know because what is best for all have never existed so it is just an ideal that has to be created by us when we realize ourselves as all that exist. I can safely say that all I know is shit because as long as I only know it and not become it, then what is the value in it! I am realizing that this is a time to be self-honest, be responsible, be disciplined, become real.

School As Brainwash Academy

Even before we understand how to communicate properly, we are taught that school is the most important thing in life! As a young child we were placed in a classroom with blackboards where adult robots draw symbols and make tonalities and we get programmed by the pre-written curriculum. The classroom becomes the point of brainwashing students with history or HIS-story, and social science etc. We were taught the same way so that we would adapt to the current system and support it as an adult. We were graded on how well we absorbed the brainwashing and given rewards the more brainwashed we became. Those kids who basically ignored school by skipping class, and doing other activities were not awarded and made to be a spectacle of what you don’t want to be. Some things taught in school are basic tools of education as reading writing and communication skills, although the underlying point of these tools are for us to use them to continually support the current system as it exist. Some may disagree, but religion was introduced in many schools, even if the parents were not religious at all. The seed was placed that there is a higher power that we must be subject to.

The laws of the land here in the US, is designed to make sure all kids go to some type of school and even make rich people feel good about paying for their kids to have the deluxe brainwashing at the prestigious schools which the poor people cannot afford! Here we have the freedom to be dumb because there is no real FREE-dom, only the appearance of it! From vaccination, to segregation, to instigation, to graduation, keeps the TIE-on a nation of those who graduate or Gradually ATE the bullshit for 12 years. California is usually the first state to implement extreme measures to further limit one’s ability to exercise any freedoms once shared by everyone.

The basis of what is taught for 12 years is that segregation, competition, need for validation, etc., is normal and just the way it is. It is a race and only the ones who fight to stay out front will win, because no one wants to be a LOSER and losers can end up being a LO-life who SER-ves the rich (Winners).

Money is currently the main tool of separation because the ones who have it, live well. The one’s who don’t have it live in hell! Equal Money system is overdue, and will build a world that all can enjoy without fear!

The Super-sized EGO

Every time I think of something, the question is “what is the basis of this?”… “what is it supporting?”… If the answer is not what is best for all, then it requires more introspection and writing to see where the ego is bolted in! I have noticed a few things about myself as a male, and that is the underlying belief that men are actually superior to women, and women are inferior to men! If you ask me what my standpoint on this topic is, I will say that men and women are equal in fact… Is this really true? Lets check my actions… Do I have reactions to women when I see them? What is the first thing that comes to mind when I see a woman? What part of her body are my eyes focused?… The point here is not about sex specifically but about the nature of my reactions when seeing a woman! My reactions as well as anyone else, shows the sub/unconscious beliefs and fears etc. so if my reaction when seeing a woman is mentally placing her in a limited bubble that I designed unknowingly based on my sub/unconscious beliefs, then I actually believe the woman is less than me. We the male species on this planet have much responsibility to take for how we have treated all living beings including the ones we poison with Love! This is what I call the Super-sized EGO which is the male ego. The women of Desteni are driving the equality bus and its cool because we… (like in the Matrix) have had our time, and we have really shitted on reality, so we can walk together but we definitely don’t need to be leaders anymore, time for real change!