My life was one of much inner conflict as my parents were old school and my father was militant and did not spare the rod! My mother was into church and it was a big part of life growing up! From being a born again christian at one point, as my depression got the best of me, I dedicated my life to doing the work of god! After that ended a few years later, I was back to not giving a shit about much, angry with the world, ready to fight at any time, I found myself in pure conflict! Being in the army in West Germany, (before wall opened) didn’t help! Belief in god, while feeling horrible inside. Parents now deceased, it is actually just me now and my wife of that time. Years later, I was introduced to spirituality, by a girlfriend (now my ex) and started the CWG books hoping to understand this world and myself. Purchased almost every book Walsch printed up to “Tomorrows God”, thought I had finally found the answers to everything and felt good about it! Then a friend gave my girlfriend a dvd called “The Secret”, and it was the original production first seen on Oprah. I thought it was an addition to all the revelations I received from the “Walsch Chronicles”, and I believed in the LOA to the extent that I bought dvds, made copies and gave them to friends… even left copies in the subway stations going to and from work throughout Manhattan NY because I thought it could actually change someones life! I talked about it at work and watched it myself about fifty times, but I had no proof because my life didn’t actually prove that the “Secret” worked… it was a dream that seemed real!
I always wondered why people starved in this world, and why people could wipe out a community, or drop bombs that destroy thousands of people and animals and even plant life! I wondered why we were poor all the time growing up even though we went to church and gave offerings etc. I wondered why some people were extremely rich and myself and others were poor and barely making ends meet!
To place all this in perspective, I experienced homelessness again in my life in 2007 after not being able to return to my job, so I left my ex in NY and went south. In the fall of 2007, I was in a library watching vids on Pleiadians, wayshowers, and different spiritual/ufo type vids. I saw a vid entitled “UFO’s Fake or Real”. There was this young girl on the video, but she breathed in, then out and said her name was Jack! I just listened to see what was said as I had heard just about any and everything about the unknown, so I thought! I am not sure how I was able to here the Desteni msg after listening to more and more vids from this young girl (Jack), but when the topic of god and demons etc. came up, I was all in! Then self responsibility, self forgiveness, and self honesty, was shared along with breath, and why sugar exists, and many topics. I never would have gotten a youtube acount but it was needed to participate with this group of people, mainly Andrea, Darryl, Sunette, and Bernard at that time but here was something different that I had not heard of before. “The physical is the key”, the mind is illusion. It made common sense even though religion teaches that the physical is not real but the spiritual world is more real! Brainwashing was also very real! There are many events that happened within all this but this is basically how it played out for me!